It's been so long since I last wrote something, probably because I have so many things on my mind these days that I can't get a shrewed idea how to finish what I have started and I'm not necessarily talking about notes...I don't even know what is pushing me to write at the time being, might be the music!
I wonder how long it usually takes someone to figure out things for him/herself, in my case, it is taking a hell of a time, just when I thought I had it all figured, something happened in my life...a change of environment, a new chapter, new people and next thing I know, I have changed into a mirror reflecting their desires, I changed to do good to people and now I doubt whether this change is doing me any good in the first place...all the giving..all the caring...I can't believe I'm actually giving the damn about stuff...me, and the giant vacancy inside me, perhaps I have drowned myself so deep in the concept that I can't reach the surface; then again, could it be them? The very same people I sincerely help and love? maybe I'm just the tool of their trade..whatever it is...Then return to the origin sounds like the perfect solution, the familiar silence, the routine, the emptiness that sucks on everything...Strange how they kept me cool and happy..how alive and safe I was...I'm done questioning my purpose, my destiny, I gave it a shot but it doesn't work this way...not with you leaving all the limits behind...time to shatter the bloody mirror...time to go solo again!
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